So, this is a new blog of mine and I figured I might as well talk about stuff that actually matters to me.
First things first, I've been through a lot in my life, and there are a few things about my life that I'm not too fond of, but they have shaped me to be who I am today. More than one would think, I've had 'two' (which I usually reduce to one) relationships within the past 3 years. My sophomore year of high school was definitely the 'first' one and most definitely the worst someone could ever have. I was manipulated, torn apart, and emotionally/mentally shattered from this experience. It's something I look at these days and still wonder how I'm still alive. Literally. My trust levels in people have severely gone down because of this, and even though I'm alive today, there are some times when I remember back in those days when I wish I wasn't. I never tried, but I did think of it. Relationships are something you're supposed to look back on as a learning experience, and if anything, mine was just a road to hell that caused me to never look at men the same way again. Yet, even though I'm heterosexual, I still believe that some men are complete asses and there's nothing you can do about it.
As for my second relationship, which I call the first real one, was something that was very true and dear to me. Looking back, it was a hard thing to go through because of the fact LDS/non-LDS people were involved. I'm not LDS, as you can probably see, but that's what made things hard. He was LDS, and probably now athiest, who knows. Things were hard for us on so many levels, but we both felt like they could turn out great in the end. Deep down, he knew we were moving too fast and by the time we first broke-up, those dark feelings came back to me. I begged of him that things would be different, and so we got back together...and then broke up again, and again. Looking on it these days, I realized I should've kept us on only the first break-up. But I was foolish because I was afraid to be alone, and he was the only one that really showed care for me. He never intended to hurt me, and I believed him. Every night and ever day, tears on my face or smiles, I believed him wholeheartedly. Things are different now, and I'm not going to dwell on the details, so let's go forward, shall we?
I am a freshmen in college, studying English/Creative Writing. What I know best, and what I can do to make myself feel like the human being I am. I know how to present myself through words, and there are things that are so different now. I have another boyfriend, but this time, I know it's worth it. We vow to never hurt each other, and so far, that's been going pretty well for the 3 months we've been together. It's a great feeling knowing I can trust him with my life, and know that he's here for me. My trust in people are still hurt, but I have some of the worlds' best people at my side. Some of which, I've only recently just met. Two of which, I've known for a few months, but they are simply amazing. I love my new friends, their talents, the artistic flow that each of them possess. College seemed to be something out of a horror movie when we're younger, but now that I'm here, I realize I never really believed that. I don't have a lot of other friends other than those I still call my friends from middle/high school. We've all been separated by wherever college takes us, and I still wonder who I can still call my 'friend' and what 'friend' actually means. For the time being, my friends are those whom I love: my best friends, my amazing roommates, the two I've previously stated earlier, and my beyond amazing boyfriend who means the world to me. :)
WELL.
This was a very interesting first blog post. Things will vary from here on in. Personal life, reflections when I was an exchange student, the gist of life, relationships, who knows. This is my blog, and I can write whatever I want. :D
Laters!
No comments:
Post a Comment