Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Changes...?

OHMYGOD hi blog.  
It's... been a while. 
How are you?  Oh, I'm fine. 
No, not much is new. (LIES)

Yeah, life is going just perfect you know...
Sorry, what did you say?  Oh, no, sorry, that's not for the internets.  
  *laughs* Because, that's personal that's why!
I forgive you don't worry! :)
...Yeah, of course.
I promise.
I'm fine.
Why don't you believe me?
Well, yeah, I guess so.
You don't need to know that either...
Again, it's personal.
Mhm.
Pretty sure, yeah.
I can't promise that! >.<
Eventually...?
Alright.
Bye blog.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Life...it happens!

Well, it's been awhile since I've blogged...but not much has happened really.  I'm almost done with my first year at university, I'm about to finish the final version of my short story, Kyle and I are going strong, and...that's basically...it.  Not a whole lot.  I'm just taking a break being from campus and currently with my parents and having some good time off.  Finals are going to be coming up fast though, and I'm rather worried about my Math and History final...not to mention a last English paper and an independent project also for Math.  But I'm registered for next semester at least!  And I continue to make some awesome friends and I love talking to them.  Hmmm...well, I geuess that's all for now.  *shrug* Laters.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Another year going on by...

Well, 2011 is still not that far away when it comes to looking back on, but when I think of 2011 right now, all I can think of is MY BIRTHDAY.

My birthday is on Monday...the 12...I'm going to be 19.

I feel old, but that's probably just because I'm rather independent with myself and such, and also probably because going abroad seems like so long ago.  I loved my 17th and 18th birthday for various family/friend reasons...now I wonder how it will be now that I'm in university.

*shrug*  Guess we'll find out!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Revisions

One thing that I am not really a fan of when it comes to being a writer...revisions.  
I'm pretty sure that it's not always supposed to be a pain in the butt, but when it comes to poetry, it basically is.  It's fun when trying to figure out new stanzas or new phrases or images, but it's annoying when you have to change it to make it appeal more to the reader.  Us writers...such people-pleasers. XD

This is a short entry, only because I'm revising a poem I've entitled "Painless Hospital".  So far, about 5 changes have been made, and they're pretty significant.  Maybe I'll post it later when it's officially all ready to go.  Who knows. *shrug*

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day 2012


"So now you're gone, and I was wrong
I never knew what it was like, to be alone
On a Valentine's Day" -- Valentine's Day by Linkin Park

I did use to wonder what it would be like to NOT be alone on Valentine's Day.  Sure, you get the chocolate and cards until middle school, shoe boxes, love notes from anonymous names, but where did all of that go?  Growing up into Valentine's Day, or Single Awareness Day, seems to be the most annoying holiday out there.  It shouldn't even count as a holiday because we go to school, unless you're sick off of a love and chocolate-high.  

"I used to be my own protection, but not now
Cause my path had lost direction, somehow
A black wind took you away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night..."  --continued


Sunday, February 5, 2012

10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 hands, 1 nose...

Your first thought was probably "What the hell does this title mean?", and granted you will want to look all over the blog to see if there is, in fact, a relation between these things.  Well, actually, I'm not going to tell you where, but you'll just have to find out for yourself.  

Ten wishes::
~To forever be with my love
~To know my place in the world
~To truly experience love
~To feel like myself again
~To see without doubt
~To dream without fear
~To feel love as natural as can be
~To find love inside myself
~To truly be myself
~To never be afraid

Ten dreams::
~To live in harmony

~To live with love at my side
~To find my true self
~To become one with myself
~To find hope for a new day
~To never be afraid
~To navigate my darkness
~To become more
~To feel everything through my heart
~To never give up

Two reasons::
~Because he is the love of my life
~Because I want to be 'happy' in my life

One truth::
~I love you...with all of my heart. <3

Thursday, February 2, 2012

January 31, 2012 :: Best Day EVER!

I'm just going to point out that this is going to be LONG ::
*All names have been changed except Youtube peoples.

Okay, so Tuesday (the 31) was just a normal day.  Minus the fact we had been counting down for the past half month, because my friends and I were finally going to meet the one and only Olan Rogers at the Dial Up Tour.  We had seen the vlogs, the videos, everything he ever posted onto YouTube and everything in between.

But when the Dial Up Tour was first announced, there was nothing there.  Nothing of interest, but then Olan made the announcement that he would actually be coming along with as the opener.  My friends and I waited days after this to learn each DUT location, hoping that he would come near Salt Lake.  Finally, around December, the dates were set, and so where the locations.  Scrambling onto Facebook, we looked down the list.  And there it was.

JANUARY 31, 2012 :: Salt Lake City, Utah
 This may not seem like a big deal, but guess what... IT IS A BIG EFFING DEAL!  Olan Rogers, the MASTERMIND of New Prime, The Last Scene, Pee Mints, Dare on Dare with Reid, was coming to Salt Lake on the last day of January with the Dial Up Tour.  Holy shitake mushrooms.  Now, let's jump forward, shall we? :)

~~~ January 24, 2012 ~~~
I was in Creative Writing, and I had remembered that my professors were very specific about being in-class for it being a once a week course.  I already had my ticket for the show about a month prior to now, and I was feeling nervous.  After class, I told my two professors that I wouldn't be able to make it to next weeks' class, the 31.  What did they tell me?  "Oh, then whatever you are doing, just have fun!".  Mission completed.  I had full access and permission to turn in my Creative Nonfiction piece through email, and I wouldn't be missing much of anything.  Hell to the yes.


~~~Day of Event~~~
I woke up and there was such an excitement through my bones, I had no idea what to expect.  My heart was pounding as I began counting down the SECONDS of every minute spent in Math.  Luckily, Math is actually interesting, so my attention is in two different things and I can still participate in Math.  But that near 2 hours was brutal.  We go to our break at 1, and I was thinking of the only ONE more hour until we would leave to go Downtown and wait by the gate.  Finally, the last bits of class were done and we were actually left about 15 minutes early.  Not bad, not bad.  I hurried to the library to print out my ticket receipt, taking longer than expected and rushed to the appartment.


Lilli * was waiting for me, and we had learned that Rachel and Naomi would be coming shortly to come pick us up to go wait down at the Complex.  Our adrenaline was out of control, so we grabbed Olan's goody bag of Reeses and M&M's and bolted out the door with posters, t-shirts, and everything ready to get signed or given.  We were so close, but we still had time before the Meet and Greet at 5:30pm.


We got to the Complex, and to our sad dismay, we weren't allowed to even pick up our tickets or meet and greet passes.  Which ironically, we didn't even need them at all.  Our names were on a list, but anyways, back to the story.  So we decided to walk around Gateway to kill off some time.  Besides, when we would come back, we'd be the first in line.  We went into Hot Topic, used the bathrooms, and just creeped around in case some Youtubers would walk around and POSSIBLY bump into Olan early.  We didn't, but however, we did notice a familiar orange-hair colour... Tessa.  Aka, Meekakitty.  She and Shana (Nanalew) were only about 30 feet in front of us on our way back to the Complex around 3pm.  They took a turn, and we carried on, holding our breath.


Waiting just us at the gate was rather boring.  It was warm with the sun outside, but it was still cold being January.  We passed the time singing AVPM, getting To Dance Again stuck in our heads, and then just talking randomly.  Then it happened.  We saw a familiar figure walking around the parking lot and around the bus:  Olan Rogers.  We kept our cool, noticing he was talking on his cell, and no matter how close we got, the calmest we tried to be.  He finally went back his way near the bus, telling Naomi everything we saw him do.  Keeping our cool was going to be hard the closer the meet n' greet would be coming alone.


It got colder, and later.  More people eventually came up, and we met a girl, Cheyenne.  Super nice girl, and we all got her hooked watching a video of Olan simply laughing.  Naomi's boyfriend finally came along too, so now our group was good to go.  


~~~Skipping forward...


Minutes away from finally getting part of the meet n' greet about a half an hour after we were supposed to.  My hand was growing numb from holding the bag for Olan, but we would finally be going in soon.  Finally, we were all single filed.  Telling a security guard inside our names, and seeing Olan, I JUMPED.  I told the security guard my name, pointed it to him, and then basically sprinted to Olan.  I gave him the bag, out of breath, and he basically looked into and went "Oh wow, thank you so much!"  and gave one of the most delighted hugs I've ever received!  I was so glad he liked the M&Ms and Reeses, and then continued to talk to him and the others for autographs.  It was such an adrenaline rush, and it was so much fun to meet Olan, Livelavalive (Kyle and Mitchell), Tessa, Shawna, Alex Carpenter, and Jason Munday.  I felt like I was on top of the world after just meeting them once, and we all knew that after the show, they're be an even BIGGER meet n' greet.  I ended up buying a t-shirt then too that said "I partied with Nanakitty and Livelavalive @Dial Up Tour".  Then our group all got back together and went into the venue to wait an hour before the show would start.


Finally at 7pm, right on cue, Olan came out.  EVERYONE in the audience shouted and hollered, us included, for him because we were waiting and wanting only him.  I recorded his four stories, laughing so hard internally so I wouldn't affect my video quality.  Seeing him preform in person, was just...amazing.  So truly amazing.  Months of watching his videos and laughing and smiling and crying, finally paid off with his 20 minute stage time.  And it was ALL WORTH IT.  But that wasn't all!  Then Tessa and Shawna came out, doing their musical sets...followed by Kyle and Mitchell, I recording their entire 40 minute set.  My arm is still sore.  Then Jason and Alex to finish.  It was such a great show, but we left to hang out in the lobby to finally sit down after several hours of standing.


The audience eventually came trickling in, because in the next half hour, the BIG meet n' greet would finally occur.  The first person to come out, of course, was Olan. :)


Everyone swarmed him, and we just stayed back until we could have him to ourselves.  We finally got there and did our own thing.  Pictures, Danger Legs, more pictures, hugs, and when it was my turn, I had fun.  We got pictures, then I had Olan call my dear boyfriend Kyle to talk to.  :)  I wish it had been recorded, but I could sense how awesome it was for Kyle to talk to Olan with my cellphone.  I loved watching Olan's facial expressions and say "hug" in such a cute way to stimulate an over-the-phone hug.  We hugged again, and then it was time for the next people in line to go.


Lilli and I got our pictures with Mitchell, such a cute guy who's HILARIOUS in person as in videos, then I waited for Tessa and Shawna to get pictures with them.  The day was finally drawing to an end, but we wanted to stick around just because.  Or was it ;)


We were in a little bubble, then all of a sudden we hear "Hey guys.".  There was Olan mingling in our little bubble of joy and happiness.  We all talked to him more, and he expressed his gratitude for us coming out to see him, and acknowledging our homage to him from Banzai.  It was so great to talk to him.  So sweet, charismatic, everything positive in a person.  Then, he had to go.  Giving us all individual hugs, we told him to come back to Utah anytime, and we'd be there waiting for him. :)


We finally left, leaving with the greatest level of satisfaction a person could ever have.  And that is why January 31 was the best day EVER.  :)


 *Lilli and I with Mitchell :)
 Myself with Tessa and Shawna :)
 The group :D
 Mitchell and Olan... Mitchell totally bugged into our mingling bubble with Olan to get a picture with him.  So what did we do?  We all took the same picture :D  SO CUTE <3



OLAN ROGERS!!!! and me :)

Monday, January 30, 2012

Writing! 8)

Writing...it's my life.  It's how I express myself. 
And here I am, finishing up my first creative nonfiction piece for class tomorrow!
Creative writing, listening to music..., things are good. :)

Sunday, January 29, 2012

All About Me

Okay, so here's a post just going to say some information about me! :)

1.  I am an American and Canadian citizen.
2.  I am bilangual: English and French.
3.  I am a Creative Writing major.
4.  I enjoy doing photography of all kinds.
5.  I lived in France for a year...2009-2010.
6.  I have one brother.
7.  I play the piano and the violin.
8.  My first kiss with my newest boyfriend happened on the same day as an old school crush's birthday.  
9.  I never went to Junior or Senior Prom.
a) Junior prom, I was in France.
b) Senior prom, I wasn't asked and was having more fun with my friends anyways.
10.  I have four best friends.  
11.  I have a deviantART account.
12.  I'm currently writing my first fanfiction after Team Starkid's Starship musical.
13.  13 is my lucky number. :D
14.  Superstitions aren't true.
15.  My favourite country I've visited is Austria.
16.  I love two people in particular:  my boyfriend, and a guy who I consider a second older brother.  Both are amazing :)
17.  My parents and brother are also musicians.
18.  I love my family and friends.
19.  I have trust issues.
20.  I suffer from anxiety and paranoia.
21.  He may not love me anymore, but he still means a lot to me.
22.  My favourite movie of all time is The Breakfast Club.
23.  I love cosplaying and watching anime.  Black Butler = the Boss.
24.  I don't do drugs.  Ever.
25.  I don't find myself attractive.
26.  I'm probably better off colourblind because I only wear dark colours.
27.  I'm heterosexual, but I do find girls attractive.  Is there a term for that?
28.  I don't brag about my boyfriend on Facebook.  "OH WHO HAS THE BEST?! ME!" ..hahahaha, no...that's so annoying to read about.

29.  I want to learn the following languages:
a) Japanese

b) German
c) Finnish
d) Chinese
30.  I love my boyfriend oh so very much. :) <3

Saturday, January 28, 2012

New blog, new life, ...

So, this is a new blog of mine and I figured I might as well talk about stuff that actually matters to me.  

First things first, I've been through a lot in my life, and there are a few things about my life that I'm not too fond of, but they have shaped me to be who I am today.  More than one would think, I've had 'two' (which I usually reduce to one) relationships within the past 3 years.  My sophomore year of high school was definitely the 'first' one and most definitely the worst someone could ever have.  I was manipulated, torn apart, and emotionally/mentally shattered from this experience.  It's something I look at these days and still wonder how I'm still alive.  Literally.  My trust levels in people have severely gone down because of this, and even though I'm alive today, there are some times when I remember back in those days when I wish I wasn't.  I never tried, but I did think of it.  Relationships are something you're supposed to look back on as a learning experience, and if anything, mine was just a road to hell that caused me to never look at men the same way again.  Yet, even though I'm heterosexual, I still believe that some men are complete asses and there's nothing you can do about it.  

As for my second relationship, which I call the first real one, was something that was very true and dear to me.  Looking back, it was a hard thing to go through because of the fact LDS/non-LDS people were involved.  I'm not LDS, as you can probably see, but that's what made things hard.  He was LDS, and probably now athiest, who knows.  Things were hard for us on so many levels, but we both felt like they could turn out great in the end.  Deep down, he knew we were moving too fast and by the time we first broke-up, those dark feelings came back to me.  I begged of him that things would be different, and so we got back together...and then broke up again, and again.  Looking on it these days, I realized I should've kept us on only the first break-up.  But I was foolish because I was afraid to be alone, and he was the only one that really showed care for me.  He never intended to hurt me, and I believed him.  Every night and ever day, tears on my face or smiles, I believed him wholeheartedly.  Things are different now, and I'm not going to dwell on the details, so let's go forward, shall we?

I am a freshmen in college, studying English/Creative Writing.  What I know best, and what I can do to make myself feel like the human being I am.  I know how to present myself through words, and there are things that are so different now.  I have another boyfriend, but this time, I know it's worth it.  We vow to never hurt each other, and so far, that's been going pretty well for the 3 months we've been together.  It's a great feeling knowing I can trust him with my life, and know that he's here for me.  My trust in people are still hurt, but I have some of the worlds' best people at my side.  Some of which, I've only recently just met.  Two of which, I've known for a few months, but they are simply amazing.  I love my new friends, their talents, the artistic flow that each of them possess.  College seemed to be something out of a horror movie when we're younger, but now that I'm here, I realize I never really believed that.  I don't have a lot of other friends other than those I still call my friends from middle/high school.  We've all been separated by wherever college takes us, and I still wonder who I can still call my 'friend' and what 'friend' actually means.  For the time being, my friends are those whom I love:  my best friends, my amazing roommates, the two I've previously stated earlier, and my beyond amazing boyfriend who means the world to me. :) 
WELL.

This was a very interesting first blog post.  Things will vary from here on in.  Personal life, reflections when I was an exchange student, the gist of life, relationships, who knows.  This is my blog, and I can write whatever I want. :D

Laters!